Sigh, I really don't know how to post this. Nor do I want to. Not even sure if you will ever read this too. You were the only girl I ever really loved. These 3 years have been the best years of my life, and nothing will ever change that. I'm just really sad things had to turn out this way. I know you've got many guys going after you right now, and I'm glad, because I'm sure they will provide you with what I failed to give you.

I guess I'm just a coward, I don't even dare to sms you or call you. I just want to forget about you, but I can't. You're still in my heart, ever since the first day we went out. I'm sorry.

I really hope to see you again someday.

I miss you.


Love,
Zash.

P.S: Just found out you're in another relationship already. My heart's fully broken now. I'm sorry...it just hurts really badly now. Wish you two all the best.. This is going to be my last blog post. Take care, and goodbye.

posted by Nick @ 6:47 PM  
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I don't know when you'll ever read this, but I'm just feeling in the pits right now. If you want all 7 days to be for your other commitments, I'm fine with it too. I know you'd much rather stay at home to play, and it's probably more entertaining than being with me.

I don't even know how to bring myself to trust you after today. I love you, but right now my heart's torn. 3 years of trust, just down the drain like that. I don't know how long is it going to take for me to trust you again..

But if there's one thing I learnt today, its that I still love you enough to go on. Please..don't let me down again. I cannot take another hit like this. It still hurts, and I'm at a point which I can no longer feel a single thing right now. I've hit my fists against the wall so many times I've lost count, my knuckles are bruised but I just can't feel anything. It's frustrating to know that I've been suffocating you all this while and yet never realised it. I blame myself for that, and I'm sorry it made you do what you did.

I won't stop you from doing what you want anymore, its pointless to do so. You'll be happier this way. I left my ring and pictures at your house for a reason, I just can't bear to look at you without thinking about this incident.

I've never felt this way before, and I don't ever want to feel this way again. I want to trust you again so badly..but I cannot bring myself to do so. Not now. I'm scared. I'm just so scared baby. My heart hurts so much, I cannot stop thinking of you. Memories are just flooding back to me, and I can't help but tear at the past.

I'm sorry for everything, baby.

I don't know how to face work tomorrow. I don't know how to sleep later on. I don't even know what to do anymore. My birthday party's coming, but I just don't feel excited.

I need help.

Heartbroken.

posted by Nick @ 10:32 AM  
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I'm at work now, bored to hell because someone broke his/her arm and I gotta cover for him. I swear if this happens again I'm spamming my leave to avoid coming for a full month, sheesh. Have you ever thought that you were going to have a great rest at home and being able to see my honey pie for a whole day and instead get called back to work because some bugger decided it would be funny to just say, break an arm so your "rest" would be taken away? Unbelievable.

Well speaking which, I've gotten back to playing L4D for awhile. Not as much since you wouldn't believe how rusty I am right now. Heck, even I can't believe how rusty I am at it. And I was supposed to be good at it before. OR maybe everyone's gotten better. Yea that must be it >.>

Okay I'll admit it, I'm only good at the boomer so far. I can puke *bloody* well. Okay maybe not as good as I should be but hey, I just came back from a 6 month hiatus, what can I say :p As for the hunter, I'd much rather just jump off a building and get run over by a train if I could. I am missing pounces like you would not believe, hello to missing a point-blank pounce, anyone?

Baby's gotten really good at it too. I mean, really. She's got a clan and even her own server, which I think is just totally kickass. Plus she can wall jump on her hunter. That's all that needs to be said. I can't even jump from point A to point B accurately, and she makes it look like doing kindergarten mathematics. She's really into this, hope she goes professional in this and starts kicking some major arse in L4D tourneys. Good luck, sweetie!

That said, I've been pretty bummered up because dear's got a whole new buncha friends to hang out with. I admit, I was jealous. But hey, however I try, I can't bring myself to stop baby from enjoying herself. Seeing her so happy, so lively, always chatting on the mic, just tells me how much she's enjoying this right now. I'm happy you've found people who share what you like dear =)

As I'm typing this, I'm thinking of dear already, even when I woke up. Wanted to message you but I'm sure you didn't sleep early last night, right? Hehe. I know I haven't been the most attentive of boyfriends lately, and I apologise for that. Work's been a real tard, and I wish I wasn't so tired out after it. We haven't seen a movie in weeks, and when I saw you the day before.. I realised how much I missed you. That's why I hugged you for so long. If I could, I would hold you in my arms forever, and make sure that you'll never spend a moment alone. I'd tuck you into bed every night, kiss you before you go to sleep, and wake up to the face of an angel beside me.

I love you.

Forever yours,
Zash

posted by Nick @ 10:24 AM  
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I don't know how long I can keep this going. Feels like we're drifting apart. Guess its my fault that I've been so busy with NS to accompany you often. Just have to see what fate's got in store for us. Been feeling like crap for such a long time, guess what I want to say is:

I miss you.

posted by Nick @ 2:02 AM  
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Lots have happened during this period. Both good and bad.
Exactly why I haven't had the time to blog.

Been really really busy. Just a short update and I'm back to doing my assignment.
I've been L4Ding every day with the same clique of friends.. playing pubs alot lesser though I would really like to go back to playing pubs for abit more. =/
I've also started a clan with one of my friends in L4D. Sooo.. if you are playing do pm me. Maybe I'll toss you an invite. ;)

I've been slacking off quite abit too. *emos*
Now I'm having some dumb running nose probably due to insufficient sleep. pfft.

Anyway, back to doing work or maybe taking lunch in awhile.

xoxo,
yukik0`

posted by Yukik0 @ 2:09 PM  
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Baby is at work atm and I'm at home.. feeling lazy as always. rofl. I love non-working days. honest. :D
I want the rb guitar on my hands now. oh mannnn

love,
yukik0`

posted by Yukik0 @ 4:39 PM  
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YAY! Payday tml. Hopefully I will get my pay by end of tml as they say... so I can finally buy my ps3/ rockband during the weekends!

love,
yukik0`

posted by Yukik0 @ 12:11 AM  
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